My preference is always both.
I'm rare. And pretty basic, sometimes.
Unshakeable and terrified.
Magnetic and biting.
Brimming with love, flowing from grief.
100 mysteries dancing through everyday.
Usually in my jammies.
Quietly building trust.
I eat eggs and toast (with tomatoes in the summer)
100 chores caring for everyday.
100% of the time.
I forget often.
I'm always grateful for the reminders, even when they hurt my feelings.
I'm stronger than I used to be in some ways, and way less strong in others. It seems to balance itself without my opinion as long as I'm willing to trust the vulnerability.
It's still difficult for me to be vulnerable, but I'm learning and I sometimes run into my fear. I try and write it out of me so it doesn't take me away from the life that wants me well.
I act like a country music song, but I'm really an unnameable instrument. I read and respond to energy/vibes/frequencies very well. I used to stay in the energy to keep myself safe from harm, but I've realized that safe is a word, not a reality given to every part of myself. I don't pretend with the ways I've been taught anymore, but I'm still learning what wants lives there instead.
There are many many lessons to learn.
Everyday I strive to remind myself that I'm safe, except from physical violence (and the one million microaggressions this queer lady plays nice friends with, but that might be for the therapist and/or the dance floor).
I am magnificently sensitive, so much in the feels, that it used to cause me to swell up with self-righteous pride every time I felt threatened.
This year I'm learning to recognize that inside and outside experiences aren't always the same, and I don't have to respond with 5 alarms every time.
Spirit speaks to me in all things. All the things. And everyday I offer my service to where I'm guided. I choose this, and sometimes, if I'm honest, I wish I knew a different way to choose.
It's definitely an unusual way to be in the world, but responding only as a human requires me to break into too many compromises for my spirit and isn't interesting enough for my soul.
I have to pray and listen. I have to return to my wild Self. I really do.
I'm not being obstreperous, I'm telling my truth, and I trust there are enough folks who know that magic is real and are willing to ride the cosmos through the human experience with me.
My readings help folks clear blocks, not always in the way they want (but sometimes) because some blocks are there for a reason. I read energy in a way that invites each person to see a new way through old stories.
I'm pretty good at getting things going. I know where to point to find the medicine you need to get fresh blood pumping through your creative and receptive heart again.
I help you unstick yourself by showing you where the pins are. Lots of times we're holding them in place on behalf of a system that wants to eat us for money.
Sometimes they need to stay there, just for now, because they're holding something else that's more important, in the interim.
I've had many #blessedlife moments.
It's always been guided and informed by loss and struggle. My dad was an alcoholic who died when I was 17. Growing up with his absence, and the grief that's always replaced him, are the biggest teachers I've had. I speak loud for them because I know what it's like to get trapped in the silent scream with no one to see me.
Sometimes a scream in the fog was enough for me to find my way out. I can't be the only one who's felt that way.
The world that I grew up in doesn't do grief very well. But, I try and do it better now.
There are many things still too tender to speak about on the internet, but I've come back from a lot. It's been both hard-won and offered with grace from the folks who've seen me through it.
I grew up using my intellect to convince people that I wasn't damaged, and then fell down into old traps over and over until I met people generous and willing enough to see me inside my struggle, instead of as a disaster. They leant their support through witness and space making.
I'm so grateful for them.
Not for the struggles.
Fuck, no. I would give everything back to get one more sober hug from my dad, to not remember the people I love disappearing into their distorted wounds, to not feel the prickly heat of shame when I realized I was being used. Again.
That's the truth that I hold and walk with, it's not so heavy once other people are willing to hear it, too. And I actually don't think my experiences are that uncommon. It's just uncommon to hear them spoken plainly.
But grief should be a game changer, just as love is. Don't you think?
And. I also remember what it's like to be a star, to be made of the wind, and earth, and rocks, and flowers, and sandstorms, and deer tracks, and puddles, and that none of this human life is separate from what's around me.
Despite the walls.
But the illusions will tell me I'm separate, while they work to figure out a way to capitalize-consume my magic wellspring heart.
I've also just always been tenacious and committed to deepening my understanding of what is actually happening. It might be personality, I don't know, but I ask a lot of questions. Humans don't always respond well, but spirit always answers honestly.
It's not always what I want to hear. That's alright, tho.
I'd rather swallow bitter truth than sugar coated lies.
I'll still probably protest the lesson, tho.
I used to be afraid to ask for what I want, but losing what I desperately loved took me to the edge of my fear, I saw it was just wearing a mask and holding up a mirror. I watched it for a bit, realized it loved looking at it itself, so I slipped away barefoot. When I got around the corner I put on red lipstick, high heel boots, and made my entrance into courage.
I hope I never stop walking away from the lies. Stop me if you see me talking to them again. Please.
I tell you these things because I can now. I'm still scared to say all this, and lots of times I think it doesn't actually matter all that much, but I wasn't able to speak what stopped me before.
I can now and I'm just tired of standing in my own way.
I'm not ashamed of how much I feel, but it isn't easy.
When I'm feeling the biggest ways that life lives in me, it's helpful to remember that all things pass; both good and bad, just not always on my bossy timeline.
I am a very bossy timeline.
That's why I'm good at helping folks figure their shit out and bad at talking to most straight men.
Officially, I'm a yoga teacher and a psychic channeler. I've had a strong connection to spirit ever since I was little girl and scared the babysitter by introducing her to my ghost friends.
The ghosts were there. It's been confirmed.
I've been working in healing/wellness arts professionally since 2012. I owned a small yoga studio in the woods for four and a half years and now work mostly online in a city from my apartment, but still find time to move my freedom rhythm body everyday.
Feel free to follow me on instagram at jennthepoet (you won't be disappointed. You might wonder if I actually MEANT to post that, or if I maaaaaaybe had an afternoon white wine spritzer or three, but you'll get used to it. Definitely not disappointed, unless you're related to me. Hi aunties and uncles!)
It's been reflected to me that I'm gifted at softening harder lessons into manageable pieces and making the human struggle applicable to spiritual lesson.
That's what I'm tending to in my own life, so it's nice to have that translate in my work. I'm genuinely very proud of that.
The entire world, all of us, we need the sensitives, the healers, the helpers, the seers, the artists, the daydreamers that the earth has chosen for the future of all of us. But I understand why those people choose to stay away from the world.
We all contain a dream born from purpose and need that meets in the human bodyform-realm.
Well, I think so, anyways.
May we all be given the room to realize what is realizing us and the right people to see it happen.
I believe that destruction is just as important as construction. It just doesn't seem to draw the same enthusiasm as the idea of rebuilding. Although, I know that breaking down can be just as intentional and beautiful and offer as much love as creating something new does.
That's something that takes time and I know it happens through my life over the span of years and actions, not just in a paragraph of a ridiculously long about me page.
There's so much more I want to tell you, too.
So I started a blog :)
Hang around long enough and I'll likely help you see what's possible in yourself, Pandora style. But remember, before patriarchy, Pandora was the bringer of all gifts and nothing to be feared. She invited possibility by revealing choice.
Also, remember, patriarchy is still very much here.
I'm definitely not everyone's cup of tea, I'm more like a whiskey around a campfire with some great ghost stories.
If we're meant to dance the stars together it might feel like we're old friends, kindred somehow. It'll also probably feel like I'm the friend you might get into trouble with, but the best kind of trouble. The kind that makes your heart rush back to life to remember that something in it wants to give.
So much love.
Catch ya on the dance floor .